Drowning

I feel like I'm drowning.

I know I'm a drama queen, but I don't see any point in lying about how I feel on Nine to Phive. Especially when hardly anyone reads this blog since I've gotten so lax about updating it. No one will be fooled, if you know what I mean.

A Muse performance at ELEV8 conference this year. I thought it was sufficiently depressing.

Maybe it's because I now have an IC flareup for two weeks out of the month. Every month.

Maybe it's because I'm scared to death that I won't be able to keep a full-time job, let alone a job in the highly impractical field that I love.

Maybe it's because I've had to take a 19-credit load this semester just to graduate on time (barely). Oh, and those extra credits? They cost me $800 of over-enrollment fees.

Maybe it's because two of Muse's biggest performances of the semester are over and I don't feel relieved. No less busy. No less stressed. No less out of breath.

Maybe it's because, after two and a half years of marriage, I feel like I should have worked out so many of the selfish struggles that my newlywed friends seem to have no problem with after just a few months.

Maybe it's because I feel guilty turning to my family for support when they're struggling just as much as me right now.

Maybe it's because I love God, love my church, and love my brothers and sisters in Christ, but can't find the time or energy to invest in my personal spiritual life.

Maybe it's because I want more than anything to write freely--stories, poetry, journals, grocery lists, bucket lists, this blog--and I can't even find time to do my required writing for class.

Maybe this is my life now.

Struggling.
Fighting.
Keeping my head above water. 

 Drowning.

I thought graduating this spring would feel like a weight being lifted, but as I approach commencement with all of this and more baggage (some of which won't disappear the moment I walk across that stage), I feel as though it's just a doorway into different and heavier weights pressing down on me.

Pressing down on my lungs . . .  
On my heart . . . 
On my spirit . . .  
I'm broken . . .

Drowning . . .

Oh, and a drama queen. There's that, too.

American Beauty's Paper Bag Scene (Re-Blog)

It's been a while since I've roamed around the blogosphere visiting the sites of the brilliant people I tend to think of as internet "friends." 

Today I popped in on my friend Optimistic Existentialist at his blog, Musings of an Unapologetic Dreamer, where he had recently posted about one of his favorite movie scenes of all time. Say, film is on of my favorite things of all time regardless of which movie it is!

I checked it out, and while I have never seen American Beauty, I had to admit that the scene in question at least sounded like one of the most powerful statements about film that I could imagine . . . told through the medium of film. Doesn't that make it that much more powerful?

Here's what Optimistic Existentialist says about the onscreen moment.

I recently had a conversation with a friend in which our favorite all-time movie scenes were brought up. When my friend asked me about my all-time favorite movie scene, the answer came easily - the floating plastic bag scene in American Beauty.

American Beauty is by far my all-time favorite movie; and this scene is a perfect example of why. To set the scene up, Ricky (a troubled but fascinatingly deep individual) wants to show Jane (The girl he is falling in love with) the most beautiful thing he’s ever filmed. 

One random autumn day, he saw a plastic bag floating in the wind and began filming. He describes it as follows:

Click here to read the rest of the post at Musings of an Unapologetic Dreamer

Re-Blog: How to Take Your Relationship to New Extremes

I'm acutely aware of just how lame it is of me to continue reposting blog entries by other writers here on Nine to Phive, but something about the past few weeks has led to me feeling almost overwhelmed by how capable other people are of perfectly articulating thoughts I claim as my own. 

While I am somewhat stunned by what little original content I have to offer, I am delighted by two facts:

1) I am not alone. Out there is a community of men and women who share my beliefs, interests, passions, and questions. I've never felt such a sense of fellowship unity, and the fulfilling peace that is being understood by the world around you. Feels good, man :-)

2) I can learn to be humble. I don't need to be the first, only, or best person to express a specific thought. You have no idea how much more likeable I find myself as a person knowing that I have the capability to give credit where credit is doing, honoring the ingenuity of other people out here in the blogosphere.

That being said, I now have no problem linking over to my good friend Carrie Starr over at at Cheap Love.

Her family is in Australia right now, so her life is much more interesting at the moment than mine! She has put together a neat little article about the exact same truths that Josh and I experienced about the effect of studying abroad on our relationship.

So here she is!

  

Travel works as a magnifying glass on your relationships.

 

The good becomes great.

The tough becomes terrible.

In many ways, this is exactly why you should travel.

The extended time together makes for incredible memories and defining moments. You’ll experience unique moments together you never would have otherwise.

For our 19^th anniversary yesterday, Erv and I went for a run through the Blue Mountains outside of Sydney Australia where we saw the famous Three Sisters.

In the afternoon, we toured the Sydney Olympic Park where we saw the cauldron burning- which only happens every four years during the summer Olympics.

Next we played in Victoria Park with our kids and meandered through beautiful University of Sydney.

In the evening, we went out to dinner at the fantastic Café Otto with our good friends Russell and Sarah, who now live in Sydney.

It was an amazing anniversary we’ll never forget.

There are other parts of the day I don’t want to remember . . .

Read the rest of the article at Cheap Love!

Get Discovered on Nine to Phive!

Would you like to see an ad for your blog, product, or service featured on Nine to Phive.net?

So would I! The blogging and art communities are very important to me. If your blog or small business is related to art, fashion, faith, travel, etc., here are two ways that you can sponsor Nine to Phive:

Design an ad with one of the following sets of dimensions and send it to ninetophive@yahoo.com:

(250x150) or 2''x3.5''

(145x145) or 2''x2''

OR

Just send me a photo in the correct dimensions, and I will gladly create an ad for you.

We can discuss pricing options, or we can just arrange a swap! You feature my ad on your blog and I will feature yours as long as you do.

Email me if you are interested!